Fix You
by LittleKnux2008
Summary: Rodney and Elizabeth try to repair their friendship after the events of Trinity.


**Author's Note: **Another "Trinity" tag for you guys. :) It's a songfic, so the lyrics have been edited out. I think it reads better with the lyrics, so if you'd like to read that version, just go to mcweir . com, then to the fic archive, and just search for this story. Either way, hope you like. Please review!

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It seemed like it'd been years. In reality it had been days, just days since she'd lashed out at him, made a spectacle of both of them; screaming her reprimands with the whole expedition watching. Today it seemed like years had gone by since she had last seen his face. She hated to admit it, but she'd sorely missed his presence in every second since the fight. Elizabeth knew him well enough to know that he had been avoiding her, but she wasn't innocent in that category either. Even now, when he was sitting just a few feet in front of her, she couldn't bring her eyes to meet his. She had been dreading this conversation right from the moment he'd left her office on that horrid day, his shoulders drooped and his expression closed. Instead of meeting those clear blue eyes, she studied the metal desk before her, setting her hands on top of it and providing a distraction. She knew what she would see if she looked up, and she wasn't ready for that. Rodney had once told her that she was the closest friend he had ever had. Their friendship was dear to her, and she treasured every moment they spent together. He was a good listener, always offering a shoulder to lean on and only offering advice sparsely when he knew it was different from the norm; when it was truly useful. Rodney knew her better than anyone in this city. Still, she had been forced to walk a fine line between duty and friendship. When Rodney had returned after nearly destroying an entire solar system, it had been necessary as a leader to punish him, to reprimand him no matter what her heart said that she should do instead. In that moment, she had crossed the line, chosen duty over their friendship. Her decision then had ripped their friendship into tatters, forced this awkwardness and aloofness between them.

A smothering silence weighed heavily between them. She had called him to her office, and she knew that she should say something, but her mouth had lost the ability to form words. There was so much inside of her, so many emotions to sort through. If her angry words had been directed at anyone else, she would have already talked to Rodney, already sorted her emotions. But instead she found herself in this situation. She had radioed a request for him to meet her here, in the office; to try and patch things up between them. Now, she looked up from the desk, met those blue eyes finally, and saw that he was on the defensive. She felt as if she'd already lost her second chance. Had she really believed that this would be so easy?

"Rodney…" her eyes flit from him to her clasped hands as she spoke, but his emotionless gaze remained on her face relentlessly. She had always addressed him straightforwardly, eye to eye. But now she couldn't do so, ashamed to see what was obvious in his eyes; ashamed to see the consequences of her betrayal heavy in his eyes.

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Rodney had a few theories on why she had asked him here. The first was to reprimand him more, to make sure he understood the consequences of his actions. He let his eyes fall to the ground. Hindsight was perhaps the greatest curse of humankind, and he'd been torturing himself with it every day since he'd returned from Doranda. Rodney understood what he'd done all too well.

His second theory was that she had called him down to say that she'd gone overboard with the reprimanding, that she still wanted them to be friends. An impossible request, perhaps, but a likely one. Every time he'd thought of her the last few days he'd received a sharp pain in his heart instead of a warm feeling as per usual. It would take a lot to remove that reaction, and even longer to wear away the memory of her angry face and her furious words. He moved his eyes back to her face and wondered what would happen. Years from now, would they still be mourning the loss of their friendship, unable to bridge the gap between them? Would they be even closer, or would they be foes? Would the overwhelming silence, the words unsaid, continue until it drove one of them to never want to see the other again? The questions continued to litter his mind.

In the past days, he'd been greeted with dark glares by most of the staff. Whatever happened to second chances? In one day he'd lost everything: lost respect, lost John's trust in him, nearly lost both of their lives and lost Elizabeth. They all delivered their own special surge of pain, but the last one was the greatest. Rodney had always had problems trusting people, but she was the one who had made the difference; the first he'd tentatively let in past his walls. He'd been waiting for her to crush him from the inside out, but she'd been there for him from the day they'd met. There was something between them, something undeniable and indefinable. People used to gossip about their late nights spent talking and simply being in each other's company. Was it love or just strong friendship? He didn't know, and now it was doubtful they'd ever return to that point.

"I wanted you here to talk to you about what happened," Elizabeth said, her voice tight. "When you came back, I… I was overwhelmed," she looked at him now, desperately seeking his understanding, "I shouldn't have yelled at you the way I did. I was…" she stood up and turned around, facing one of the glass walls instead, trying to form her words as she looked out at the everyday activities of the expedition. "I was upset on so many levels. Professionally, you nearly blew up an entire solar system. You nearly got two members of this expedition killed. Personally, you betrayed and manipulated my trust." She sighed, and turned to face him. "And you almost died. I am – I was – upset with you for what you did, but I am not ready to lose you. There's a lot we have to talk about, but…" she turned all the way around now, folding her arms over her chest as she addressed him. "…do you think we can still be friends after all this?"

Who was he to say no? She wasn't asking if they could, she was asking if he would try. He nodded numbly in reply to her question, and she sighed with relief.

"So, we're cool then?" Elizabeth asked, trying to repress the hope in her voice.

Rodney stood and nodded again. "Yeah," he answered. "We're…good."

It was far from the truth, and they both knew it.

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Elizabeth pushed a smile forth and touched her fingertips to the desk, her eyes on him as he put on a fake smile, too. They were both acting, both pretending everything was okay. The strained, tense silence was back again. She was so sick of this; tired of fighting with Rodney. These awkward silences, not being able to talk with him, watching him suffer and not being able to help him…it was killing her inside. She wanted to comfort him and to let him comfort her, but there was something between them now, something she wasn't sure either of them could bridge.

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"So," he twisted his hands together and glanced at her briefly before looking away. "I guess I'll be seeing you around, then."

She looked at him and fought the burning hole in her stomach, the urge within her to shout that this wasn't right, the urge to try and fix things no matter what the price to her pride. Whatever they said now it was just for show. It wouldn't do for the leader of the expedition to be at odds with the Chief of Science. And even though they both knew it, they played along anyway.

"Yes," she said with a voice full of fake strength. He nodded at her and hesitated before stepping toward the door. Another dull burst of pain shot through Elizabeth. Where was their usual parting: the twinkle in his eye, the words communicated but never spoken and that look on his face that always made her smile? She bowed her head and fought to keep the disappointment in the back of her mind.

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The door slid shut behind him, and Elizabeth turned, heading out the other door that lead out onto the balcony. Her feet followed their usual path, leading her to the railing. She gripped it tightly; hanging on to it like it would keep her grounded. All the same, her eyes stung with unshed tears. How had it come to this? One mistake and they couldn't even communicate? She'd always been able to find the words, but now they failed her. Her chance to make things right had come and passed and now she was stuck with this outcome.

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She remembered so many nights they'd spent out on this balcony, talking about everything. Some days it was nothing, just gossip and work. Some days it was personal: their childhoods, their relationships… She knew him better than she knew herself, and she loved him even more with each detail she learned. On the bad days, they'd stood in the dark with no words needing to pass between them, the presence of the other comforting enough. And on the days where everything fell on her and she finally wept, he wrapped his arms around her and held her tight; protecting her until she'd gathered her defenses again and could stand on her own.

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The thought of never having that again crushed her, tore her heart out of her chest. Everything between them had been perfect, but now there wasn't anything, just ruins and useless memories disappearing with time. Again she found herself fighting tears. She knew from here on out what they had would fade into more awkward conversations. The acting would evaporate and their talking would be minimal. They'd dissolve into acquaintances; coworkers.

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Elizabeth looked out to the bright sea and watched as the waves reflected the sun and crashed into one another. It was beautiful, but she wanted the dark, dangerous black of the night waves lapping against the piers; she wanted her sanctuary back. Somehow, the stormy clouds rolling in comforted her. The thought that she would never have that again, never speak to Rodney the same again, drove the first tears to fall.

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- - -

Rodney walked to the side of the hallway, keeping his chin down and eyes focused on the floor. Right, left, right, left. Methodical; a pattern he would have to get used to. Even if no one wanted him here, they needed his mind. That he would provide. Otherwise, he would just survive, cut off from the world. It had worked for more than a decade before; was there any reason it wouldn't work again?

He knew before he even asked himself that there was a reason it wouldn't. On Atlantis, people had showed him that there was another way; a way that he'd been neglecting for most of his life. They'd showed him what it was like to have friends, to be happy, to care. Rodney sighed, stopping in an empty part of the hallway and leaning against the wall. He couldn't do this; couldn't keep on going without anyone.

He couldn't do this without her. Sure, it'd be possible. It would sting for a long time, but he'd get his bearings back and work on being happy. But it would take time and in this galaxy, no one knew how much of it they had left. She was his best friend. He needed her.

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Rodney turned back and began walking in the direction he'd come from. He had to at least try. Their friendship was worth too much to simply let it decay into nothing. They'd been able to talk about anything, so why should this be any different? Some days thoughts of her were all that kept him going.

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No matter what, he could count on her. She was his backbone. He couldn't do anything without her; he was empty without her by his side. His feet began to pick up pace. It seemed like every second counted now. He had to find her, now; had to fix things.

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By the time he passed the mess hall, he was in a full out run. People paused to turn and stare as he blew past them, confusion and curiosity heavy in their expressions, but he ignored them. Everything seemed to dissolve away, anything but the matter at hand. He reached her office and impatiently waited for the brief second it took the Ancient door to open.

For all of his rushing, he stopped in his tracks when it opened. The sky had been overtaken by dark clouds and it had begun raining. In the midst of it all, she stood, staring out into the clear waters, every inch of her face blanketed in sadness. Something about the scene struck him, took his breath away. She was so beautiful, standing there in the ugly storm. He took a quiet step forward, joining her, barely blinking when the rain crashed down upon him.

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Rodney took a deep breath to steel himself before walking forward and standing in silence next to her on the balcony. Eyes widening, she turned to face him. She stared at him as if he was a mirage of some sort; a trick of the mind.

"R-Rodney?' she questioned, her brow furrowing. "Why are you…?" As if she suddenly realized the state he'd found her in, she averted her eyes, looking away from him.

"Elizabeth, I…" he paused. What could he say? There was so much to tell her and he didn't know what to tell her first.

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He didn't know whether it was the jumbled mess of emotions in him or a subconscious urge, but he reached forward, cupping her face with his hand. Her eyes moved back to his, and he could read every emotion in them. He looked at her for a long moment, wondered whether the water on her face was rain or tears…

…and then he kissed her.

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Elizabeth was taken aback for a brief moment before she let herself give in and kiss him back. His lips were warm and full against her own, and she caught herself wondering why this hadn't happened sooner. A warm feeling spread through her body and she parted her lips, allowing his tongue to slide into her mouth. The cool rain was a striking contrast to his warm mouth, startling her at first. Moments later she was convinced that there was no better kisser in the world than one Rodney McKay.

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As if suddenly realizing what they were doing, Rodney pulled away. "Wh-wha…" he sputtered, unable to form a sentence. "Elizabeth…"

"I know," she said, a true smile tugging at her lips at his disheveled state.

"No," he interrupted. "I have to…" he took a breath. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have… I screwed up with the weapon. I'm so sorry. But I don't want to lose you." Elizabeth had seen Rodney exposed before, but never as much as in this moment. She blinked furiously as the rain rolled down her face and into her eyes.

"I know," she repeated, reaching forward, placing her warm hand on his cheek, "I know. I don't want to lose you either."

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But there was still so much left unsaid, so much that they needed to talk about. And they would talk about it – later. For now, Elizabeth had found a solution simpler than sorting out the words and emotions tangled within her, something that made the problems disappear for at least a moment; something that made her believe that things would turn out okay.

She wrapped her arms around Rodney's neck and kissed him again.

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End file.
